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here am I, send me

Updated: Jan 13, 2020


Isaiah 6:8-9 says:

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!"


What I absolutely love about this passage is the immediate response and desire to go. The Lord is looking for people who are willing to go and to show others the heart of Jesus by serving and loving. Especially in our world, now, where people have drifted further and further from God and his truth and freedom.


I want to go! Pick me!


Payton and I are called to ministry and I have always longed to have a women's ministry for healing and fellowship. I want to get up in front of 10,000 people and share my testimonies. I want to lead women to Godly marriages, families, callings and share with them who Jesus is. Lord, here am I-send me!!!!! Can I make my heart's cry any louder???


Just the other day, as Payton and I were painting our new home (Eeeeep!) a song came on shuffle that stirred my heart in a million different unexpected ways. The song is called Isaiah 6, performed by Lindy Conant and the Circuit Riders. The chorus goes:

"Oh God, here am I.

Send me.

Use me for your glory.

Oh, God.

Here am I.

Send me.

Pick me up and write your story."

Suddenly, when I heard those words, I felt the Holy Spirit stir in my heart: You are here.

Like, what? I am where?

Here.

Then I realized something: "Send me" doesn't have to be a physical send. It can and does mean to go overseas or to inner cities or something of that sort to spread the word of God and to just love everyone, but it also means emotional ministries.

What on earth does that mean?????

The Lord has given me a heart to share my life, testimonies and miracles. I have had one rough life for the past three years and I am, truly, a walking miracle! I was in a terrible car wreck in 2017 (I was hit head-on by a drunk driver) and during that time, the doctor's said that I either shouldn't have lived at all, or shouldn't have walked again. Guess what? I am alive and walking like a champ!

Then, in March of 2019, Payton and I thought that we were 13 weeks pregnant, but instead we found out that we weren't pregnant with a fetus: we were pregnant with cysts. (Formally called a Molar Pregnancy) A sick disease that could turn cancerous if it's not treated quickly. We caught it just in time, but we had months of recovery ahead of us. (bloodwork and all of that to make sure that the cancerous cysts didn't return.) Well, in October 2019, they found a tumor on my uterus and we had lots of fear, anxiety and depression as we planned the surgery to remove it. We found out only a week or so later that it wasn't cancer! But, that was two surgeries in 7 months where they had to scrape my uterus clean. I lost a lot of blood during both surgeries, and of course the anesthesia is a huge toll on your body. Not to mention, medial bills!


I promise I'm getting somewhere with these stories! ;)


Payton and I gave our marriage to the Lord from day one. We surrendered out wants, needs and desires and placed them in the hands of our Savior, believing that His will be done. So, when I heard those lyrics of, "Oh God, here am I, send me. Use me for your glory. Oh God, here am I, send me. Pick me up and write your story." I realized that he has been. From day one of our lives, and especially from day one of our marriage, God wrote this story for us to give him the glory!

And though this was a painful story, a beautiful and hopeful tragedy, it is my ministry.

God does call some people to go overseas and serve, yes! And I pray for blessings on those who go into the depths of the world showing the Light!

But for me, my blog is my "send me". I use this area to share my testimonies of how amazing, hopeful, strong, sovereign and intimate my Jesus is! People get a taste of who Jehovah Rapha, (God our Healer) is through my stories.


So, my charge for everyone reading this:


Find your "send me."

Where is your area of ministry that the Lord can use you to reach others? Will you let him use you? Will you surrender your life over to him to give him glory and honor through your trials?

Being sent through trials in your own home and coming out the other side stronger is one of the most humbling things to experience, in my opinion. It shows you how much you need God. Payton and I look back, almost one year ago we were grieving the loss of our pregnancy, but we have never been closer, to each other and to God, and more excited for the blessings that the Lord has in store for us!


Our marriage motto is now, "Here we are-send us!" Even if we never step foot overseas (which, I really do want to someday!) we surrender our lives to do the will of God to give him glory through our trials that happen in our hearts and bodies. Send us through the trials, Lord. May our bodies, hearts and minds praise you through the storms!


Y'all don't even understand how powerful this was to me.

My home is my send me.

I hope this touches deep into your heart and stirs something in you like it has for me!


Many blessings,

Love,

Hosanna


Also, feel free to comment, email or message me if you have any questions or would just like to discuss anything! My heart is available to share!

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